That Girl.

Stumbling and landing on life’s rough points do come. And just when you thought things are better, it turns around and you find yourself on the same low spot once more.

Remember, back in ‘10, I came to that point and 2 years after, here I am gain. And I wrote what I felt.

I am utterly frustrated.

The inability to exhibit one’s capacity to execute certain task despite all the efforts exerted is depreciating. It, then consumes the corners of your mind and narrows your perception to the inevitable (or is it?) committed fault.  And with the cynical eyes directed towards your every faulty move, you regress.  Until such time the body is left with nothing but shame and the desire to just curl up and die.

I do have my flaws. Everybody does. That human as we are, falling short is part of our nature. We can never be impeccable, thus we understand and we try to. Opting to do more and be more the next time around is our way of responding to such; we try to make what is negative into a plus sign. When a flaw, however, turns into its plural form, even with all the labors done, doubts come and faith fades.  People around will start to be skeptic of your abilities and limit the chances of you becoming better. No matter how you try to explain the part not yet spoken, the impermeable mind will try to defy. Thus you silence yourself instead and let no further discussion on the issue to occur.  Subsequently, the feeling of inadequacy worsens and self-doubt forms. You try to question but still you cannot fathom why. This on the latter part loosens your grip to that one thing that’s anchoring you to hope. Then, finally you’d find yourself afloat and fragmented.

I try to block out all the friction and magnify what is more important. But then I cannot blame myself. Sensitive perhaps, but I am a fragile soul too. I have feelings and now this is what I feel.

True. Praying things will turn around.